I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
