I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
