So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
