No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
