That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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