I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
