on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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