hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
MIDGETS
????
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
