my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Boobs speak an international language.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
