he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
