I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
