I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
