After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
