I wish my penis had an off switch
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
