Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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