i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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