I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
