pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
