She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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