I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
