my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
