loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
