like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
