I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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