I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
