Just fell off a train. Bad.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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