Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
