I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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