I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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