Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
