my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
