hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
