How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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