take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
