I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
