Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
