WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
