Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
