I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
