TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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