laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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