'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
