I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
