one two three fourrrrnication!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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