Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
