Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
