maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
