I want to make a zoo with you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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