I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
