just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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