Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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