i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
