while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
