yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
